meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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