You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
