i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
