You made me cry and you don't even care
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
