Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
