The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
