I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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