My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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