gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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