im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
