Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
