I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
