Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
