Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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