The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
