I was born with a shot glass in my hand
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
