I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
