I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
