So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
