CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
