Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
