Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
