my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
