i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
