I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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