i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize