I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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