Its about making memories worth repressing
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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