I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Why can't burritos get me drunk
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize