saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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