you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
