I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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