I looked at my own cervix.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
