Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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