I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i need some magic done to my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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