I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
