I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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