Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
