woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt