Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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