you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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