Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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