I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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