why didn't you poke me back
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
