I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
