Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
