I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
