I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
