Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
