Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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