I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
