I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
