If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
