you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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