Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
