quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
