I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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