I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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