bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
