dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
