i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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