I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
