I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
